And That, Judges, is Why I am Qualified to Represent the Great State of…


I was all ready to post about my weekend…but I felt led to post something…different.

Much different.

Back before I blogged about horses and barbecue, I competed in pageants. Well, three to be exact. Odd, right?

To help you wrap your head around this, I will now present you with an informative timeline of my career of pageantry:

Spring 2006: With absolutely no pageant experience, I decide on a whim one night while watching Miss America that I would enter a pageant. I mean…why not?!

Spring 2006: The next day, I promptly begin snacking on carrot sticks instead of Doritos.

Spring – Summer 2006: My sweet friend Liz offers to work out every day with me. We end up doing a lot of working out and even more talking.  I meet a cute boy at the gym and we go on one date.

September 2006: My job publishes my pageant headshot in the company newsletter. A co-worker stops by my desk to say the picture looks beautiful but nothing like me. Why thank you?

September 2006: More carrot sticks.

September 2006: I learn how to apply spray adhesive to my, um, backside to keep my swimsuit from creeping anywhere it’s not supposed to be.

October 2006: My pageant coach tries to correct my ungraceful, bouncy walk, and teach me how to make eye contact with the judges while walking gracefully in my evening gown.  She cries in the bathroom between sessions because I’m a lost cause.

October 2006: I arrive at the pageant and step into another world…


Here I am sandwiched between professional models and former teen beauty queens.

I had no idea what to expect but the other contestants were actually really sweet and helpful – nothing like the backstabbing characters on TV and in pageant movies.  Although they weren’t backstabbing, there were professional models and soon-to-be actresses, television anchors and businesswomen.

And then there was me.  While I’d never even been to a pageant before, most of the other girls could’ve been on Toddlers & Tiaras at some point because they’d been doing pageants since they were 4 or 5 years old.  I didn’t win that weekend or even make the Top 10.  I was bummed but happy my swimsuit stayed firmly in place.

Day After the Pageant, October 2006: I order chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes and love every bite.

Late October 2006:  I get a second job to pay off the spray adhesive and pageant coach.  And the custom swimsuit.  And the headshot that looks nothing like me.

February 2007: My second pageant. I finally won something!  The interview award.  Years of talking finally paid off.

I only entered one more pageant after that.  I think my pageant days are probably behind me but every now and then I consider doing just one more…

One thought on “And That, Judges, is Why I am Qualified to Represent the Great State of…

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